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How past baggage, resentment and more can end a marriage

Some Alabama couples might assume that the reason couples get a divorce is because of serious betrayals, such as infidelity. However, many common behaviors that seem innocuous can cause a relationship to deteriorate over time. For example, failing to take a partner’s emotions seriously can mean contradicting the person’s feelings in small ways. Eventually, it adds up.

Some couples may think they should strive for avoiding conflict, but conflict avoidance means issues get ignored instead of resolved. These unresolved issues can poison the marriage. Marriages can be destroyed by a person’s bad experience in a previous relationship as well. If there is unresolved trauma and the person expects the same behaviors that destroyed a previous relationship from a current partner, that expectation can lead to jealousy or other issues that damage the current relationship.

Over time, some couples grow in different directions and no longer share the same goals. Others may separate over financial problems. They may communicate poorly about money and have different attitudes about saving and spending. When these or other behaviors build up, communication may become sarcastic or passive aggressive because the couple is so mired in resentment. Unfortunately, many of these behaviors are so subtle that people do not realize they are engaging in them until the relationship is harmed.

A decision to divorce does not always mean putting these behaviors aside, and some couples may find that their divorce negotiations are more difficult if one or both of them continue to stonewall, conceal their finances or allow resentment to control their actions. An attorney may be able to help with negotiations over property division, child custody and child and spousal support, but if one spouse is uncooperative, litigation may be the only option. Before going to court, an attorney may be able to help a client prepare their strategy.